A Fight With The Devil
by TheSaneFanatic
Summary: Ox is gone and Harvar has the apartment to himself...until the worst possible thing happens. A three year old boy crashes the place! Now Harvar has to deal with the very thing he's worst at-dealing with small children! -oneshot- I don't own Soul Eater


(a/n: This is my first published story on ff! yay! Actually, I learned that I pretty much fail at being funny. If anyone would like to help me on that little personality quirk, please do. Also, please rate and review on what you think so I can become a better author! I'm afraid Harvar -might- be a little ooc, another thing I won't know unless you review. I'll stop rambling now, enjoy the story!)

It was his first real day alone in a long time. He had cleaned the entire house, organized the books on the filled bookshelf, done all of the dishes, vacuumed the floor and even dusted the overhead fan and TV. Now Harvar D'Éclair had a moment to himself as he sat on his gray couch. He admired his immaculate apartment and took a deep breath.

Ox had gone on an all-day date with his new girlfriend, Kim, and though Harvar enjoyed the alone time, there was an eerie feeling to the empty apartment. He sighed and picked a book from the bookshelf Maka had lent him and a while back that he never had time to read. Marinating in his blissful free silence, he opened the book and began to read.

The boy was a few pages in when he heard a loud crash. He flinched, being sucked out of his book and back into the real world and whirled around to see what had made the noise. A plant of Ox's was on the ground with its pot shattered in numerous pieces. Next to the destroyed pot was a little red haired boy who looked about three. His feet were covered in dirt.

"How'd you get in here?" Havar asked to himself more than the child. He had shut the door after taking out the trash…right? The door was shut now, but the kid could've done that. He stood up slowly from the couch and dropped his book. The child giggled and broke into a sprint into Ox's room.

"Wait! No! Don't do that!" Harvar cried as he chased after the boy. Once he entered Ox's room, he was overwhelmed with the damage the child had done. Ox's usually perfectly organized bedroom was demolished. His clothes littered the floor now covered in dirt, his notebooks were strewn about and his bedspread was dirty and half on, half off of the bed the child was jumping on. He laughed and Harvar held his hands up slowly. He didn't know what to do. He was an only child who lived with his peers; he had absolutely no experience with young children. Fire and Thunder, maybe, but he was barely acquainted with them.

"Can you get down?" He asked with his hands in a surrender position. The little boy stopped jumping and his blue eyes looked at Harvar, then at his feet. He got off the bed and a wave of relief came over Harvar. He still had time to fix Ox's room before he got back. The kid then looked up at him, smiled wickedly, and kicked the teenager in the shin with all his strength.

"HOLY MOTHER OF-!" Harvar caught himself, remembering that not only was it "tacky" to swear, but the kid was still a little kid. His shin was on fire. The child was freakishly strong! He _had _to be a soccer player, or was destined to be one at least. The kid ran out of Ox's room and Harvar hopped after him with one hand holding his injured shin and the other shutting the door behind him. The kid had gotten into the pantry and now was spreading dry macaroni over the dirt-covered floor.

"Hey…let's go find your mommy." Harvar said. The child looked up innocently and Harvar tensed.

"No way! You can't catch me!" The little boy challenged. He ran into the bathroom and Harvar limped towards it, but the door was shut and locked.

"Kid! Open this door!" He demanded. Swearing, the boy limped to the phone. He was in over his head and needed to call backup.

"Kilik? It's Harvar. There's some kid trashing my apartment, I need you to come over and help me kick him out." He said quietly. If the child knew he was calling in reinforcements, it would ruin the element of surprise. He was trained in combat; he should be able to easily outsmart this little runt.

"That's not something you hear every day. I'll be right over; Fire and Thunder are at their parents' anyway. I was getting bored." Kilik replied with a light chuckle. Harvar turned off the phone and walked to the bathroom. He tried opening the door and silently cursed himself for never asking Ox where he hid the spare keys.

"Come out of there, this isn't your home!" He said firmly. He could hear the laugh with the echo from the bathroom muffled by the door. Harvar kicked the door and found a broom. He started on the dirty, macaroni covered floor when he heard a knock. He opened the door to see Kilik peering inside. The boy stepped inside and Harvar pointed to the bathroom. He resumed cleaning the floor and heard Kilik laugh.

"Have your hands full? How'd the kid get in here anyway?" He asked.

"I don't know." Harvar answered.

"Well do you know where his parents are?" Kilik asked again. Harvar shook his head as he heard the bathroom door open.

Harvar limped back to return the broom and Kilik suppressed another laugh. "Dude, don't tell me…" Harvar nodded. The kid walked in the kitchen and now his gaze was on Kilik. He smiled ear to ear and threw the dustpan that was left on the floor at him, hitting Kilik in the face. The child ran into Harvar's room and was followed by the two.

Kilik's face was covered in dirt and Harvar was still limping everywhere he went. The child found Harvar's notebooks and ripped page by page with a sadistic smile. "Stop it you brat!" Harvar yelled. He had lost his cool and was now chasing the happy kid around his room, on top of the bed, inside the closet and even under the desk. Clothes were thrown everywhere, his notebooks were in pieces, and remains of dirt from the flower pot lingered everywhere the child went.

"Get him Kilik!" Harvar yelled as the child ran from the desk towards the door where Kilik stood. The teenager braced himself, ready to catch the kid, but the kid hit Kilik with a book and caused the boy to lose balance and tip over as the mean spirited child ran full speed into the living room. Harvar ran after him oddly unbalanced, running mostly on his left leg and favoring his right. Kilik scrambled up and tripped again. A tripwire made of dental floss was taped at the door.

"How'd he do that?" Kilik gasped.

"When you two were talking, I taped it!" The little boy answered triumphantly as he ran in circles around the couch.

"Are you going to get up or what?" Harvar asked. Kilik stood up and the two met up in the living room, one on one side of the couch and the other on the opposite side. The child hopped on the couch and Harvar and Kilik looked at each other, nodded, and both pounced on the couch. The child jumped off and the couch fell over, causing Kilik to accidentally land on top of Harvar.

"Your elbow is in my frickin' rib, get it out." Harvar said in a low tone. He was fuming. This mystery kid was making his house a disaster zone, and was making a fool of him. Kilik stood up and helped Harvar up.

"Santa Claus ain't coming for you this year, kid!" Kilik yelled.

"I don't care! This is WAR!" The child shot back. He was back in the pantry and spreading whipped cream on the counter. He disappeared again and the two teenagers shot after him only to find the child with one of Harvar's chains above a toilet bowl. He smiled, dropped it, and flushed it.

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SH-"

"HARVAR! He's still a kid!" Kilik reminded.

"IT'S NOT A KID, THIS IS _A DEMON CHILD_! AND I'M GONNA KILL IT, THAT WAS A _GIFT!_"

The child rammed their shins again with the broom that was on the floor and ran into the living room again. He threw CD's at them and books and anything else the little boy could find. He laughed every time he caused either of them pain and Kilik ran at the kid full force. Harvar took the other side and the two ducked to catch the kid, who was too fast and ran into the kitchen. Harvar and Kilik landed, hitting each other's face and their lips brushing past each other. Kilik wiped his lips compulsively with disgust. It wasn't quite a kiss, but it was enough to make the homophobic Kilik cringe. Harvar, however, seemed to be more preoccupied with the child to even notice the brief contact. He stood up and pointed at the door.

"GET OUT NOW!" He roared. The kid threw a tissue box at them and Harvar caught it and threw it back with the nearest object, Maka's book, at him as well. Kilik stood up and threw nearby CD's at the kid.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He shouted. The kid laughed and ran in circles again, throwing the can of whipped cream and hitting Harvar in the back of the head. Kilik instinctively went in for a punch, but had to stop himself and the kid spit in his face. He was getting tired and running slower now, and Harvar saw his chance. He lunged for the child and managed to grab one of his feet. The other foot kicked the teenager's face, but Harvar had him pinned. Kilik rummaged in a drawer from duct tape and smiled when he found it. Terror came across the child's face as Harvar and Kilik laughed now. Instead, though, Harvar threw the child out the door and quickly shut it.

"GO BACK TO HELL!" He yelled. Kilik had begun to sweep the floor and Harvar took it upon himself to tidy Ox's room, but tripped on the dental floss taped at the bottom of the door as he went in. Within an hour, the apartment was spotless and the two exhausted boys collapsed on the couch. Harvar noticed that Maka's book was still on the floor. He stood, picked it up, and went back to the couch. Kilik was already napping and he opened the book to resume reading.

A few hours later when Ox returned, he was practically skipping inside. "Kim and I had a great daaaaay!" He said in a sing-song voice. Harvar sat up and smiled even though he was incredibly tired.

"What'd you and Kilik do?" He asked as he looked in the pantry.

"Fought…the Devil…" Kilik groaned. He looked comical, hugging a pillow and curled up around it with his head almost completely off the couch. Ox laughed. He peered back into the pantry and concentration washed over him before the nerdy boy looked back at his friends. He was now irritated.

"Where's that macaroni I bought yesterday?"


End file.
